She was cold. But it was a coldness of the soul that she knew Quatre could do nothing for. Her mind was racing, and she scarcely realized some of her thought were coming out aloud. Hekate and... Heero... I can't believe... It's impossible... but it happened... How could he? How could... I? She clutched the thick blanket Quatre had wrapped around her tighter and shivered again. How could I? I love Duo... don't I?
Quatre gently brushed some of Usagi's hair out of her face, and she flinched away from him. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Heero wincing (as much as Heero Yuy winced) and Duo flat-out glaring at the Perfect Soldier. Those two were usually best of friends; something really bad must have happened in the time they were gone to drive such a wedge between them. Whatever was wrong with Usagi perhaps?
Clearly whatever "it" was, it was upsetting her a lot. He was willing to bet all his money it was guilt; before she woke up, Duo had explained what had occurred. Usagi's soul was pure - or it had been before this; learning she'd done so many horrible things under Hekate's influence... He hoped she was strong enough to survive such a revelation.
"Why don't both of you just leave?" All of them, even Heero, started at the sudden sound of Trowa's voice. "You're obviously doing more harm than good."
Silently Duo and Heero filed out of the room, Trowa following them at a nod from Quatre; someone apparently had to be there to stop a fight between those two. Only after the door shut behind them did Usagi finally look up. Her eyes were a much deeper blue than he remembered them as being, but then again, he'd never been this close to her before either. "Quatre...? Is that you?"
"Hai, Usagi-s -"
He cut himself off as she finally started crying. And as he comforted her, she whispered the secret.
~ * ~ * ~
If looks could kill, Trowa thought to himself, Duo would have already killed Heero roughly a hundred times over already, working on one hundred and one.
"This is your fault," Duo stated at last. He felt his eyebrows raise in surprise. Heero was interestingly silent, neither confirming or denying Duo's accusation.
There was a look in Heero's eyes that he'd seen some place before. He was planning something, and it had nothing to do with killing Duo. No, he hadn't seen that look since Heero had gone to each member of the Noventa family for their judgment.
This had nothing to do with Duo and everything to do with the woman on the other side of that door. But he was fairly certain Heero would never hurt Usagi intentionally, physically at least anyway; emotionally was another matter. They didn't call him the Perfect Soldier without reason.
The door opened, and Quatre stepped through it, shutting it behind him. Both Heero and Duo stood up straight, but it was Duo who spoke first. "How is she?" he asked.
"Asleep now. How she'll be when she wakes up is anyone's best guess, though."
Heero nodded once and quietly left the apartment. "He's blaming himself," Trowa stated quietly once the door had closed.
"And he should."
"Usagi's blaming herself too, Duo." Violet eyes shot over to Quatre as he cautiously continued speaking. "To hear her talk, it was all her fault, that she - or rather, Hekate - didn't give him much choice in the matter. Even threatened to kill herself and Usagi."
"And certainly a great of blame should be on Relena. She created Hekate after all."
Duo looked from Trowa to Quatre. "You're both just ready to forgive and forget, aren't you?" He didn't even give them time to answer before he rushed on. "Well, I can't. Because of what he did, Usagi probably never going to be the same. She's the reason I made it through the war sane, and I won't tolerate anyone hurting her!" He stormed down the hall to the living room and collapsed into a chair.
"Now I see why Relena let them leave," muttered Quatre. "I bet she's just loving all this internal fighting."
~ * ~ * ~
Usagi slowly sat up in bed and padded over to the window, placing her hand on the thick glass separating her from the outside. Far below her, she spotted a wild mop of dark brown hair she'd know anywhere. Some part of her smiled wistfully; that was one of her best friends there; she'd hurt him and should try to make it better. Another part of her leapt in joy; that was the man she loved; her heart sank a bit as she remembered she should be begging for his forgiveness for hurting him. But the rest of her just had mixed feelings about what they were to each other, but she knew she had to make this up to him somehow.
But not right now. Right now, she just felt unclean from Hekate's actions. She didn't even want to try going to sleep; enough horrible thoughts plagued her when she was awake; though she had yet to start feeling bad about faking sleep to get a full worry-mode Quatre out of her room.
She leaned her forehead against the cool pane; the cold, cold rain falling outside obscured her vision a bit, but she could easily keep her eyes locked on Heero; he was the only one down there who didn't have an umbrella.
"Heero," she sighed.
Almost as if he'd heard her, Heero turned, in the middle of the crosswalk, to look up at the exact window in which she stood. As if he'd heard her... as if he'd seen her...
She couldn't read lips, especially not at this distance, but she could have sworn that was her name he said before he was swept out of sight by a horde of people trying to cross at the last moment.
Slowly she backed away from the window until she sat on her bed again. She let herself fall backwards, lying across its width, and clutched her pillow to her chest, her eyes clenched tightly shut. "Oh, Heero..."
14 February 2001
8 days till my birthday
Here's a little note to leave you guys with:
Duo and Heero are at each others' throats. Can they learn to work together?
The Miaka and Tamahome like calling of names is NOT my fault!
This chapter brought to you with regards to the Guns n' Roses
song "November Rain":
"I know it's hard to keep an open heart
When even friends seem out to harm you
But if you could heal a broken heart
Wouldn't time be out to charm you..."
"And when your fears subside and shadows still remain
I know that you can love me when there's no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness we still can find the way
'Cause nothin' lasts forever even cold November rain..."
"November Rain", Guns n' Roses, Use Your Illusion I