He was gone.
He'd realized he was alone in the ruins of the museum, but it hadn't really sunk in. Not till he'd woken up this morning to that haunting loneliness within himself. For the first time in what seemed like forever, he was alone inside his head. And... Well, he hated it.
He'd never realized how bad being alone could feel until now. He now regretted every harsh word he'd said to his partner, every time he'd cursed the Fates for sticking them together, every time he'd told his alter ego to leave him alone or quit being annoying.
He'd never counted on the peace he'd sought so diligently being exactly what he didn't want. To have known then what he knew now... He'd have treasured the time they'd had together, instead of treating his partner as a nuisance, a burden. He'd take back all the times he'd all but accused his companion of ruining his life. Instead, he'd cherish each time that deep voice piped up in the back of his mind with some inane comment on what was going on around them. He'd even keep his mouth shut about this silly outfits they ended up wearing.
Now, though, he could only hide his tears - and his regrets - and he had a lot of both. He didn't even have anything to remember the other man by. There was no sign anywhere he looked that proved his best friend had even existed. Once again, he wanted to curse the Fates, this time for taking his most important person from him so soon, just as he was coming to realize what the other meant to him. Why now, now that he was just starting to find out how his other half had felt about him, how much he had been loved and had never known, never seen.
If only he were smarter... If only he'd come to understand these feelings sooner... Maybe they could have thought of a better way to end this, a way that didn't involve his partner sacrificing himself. There had to have been a way! There must have been! He knew now he'd have done anything to keep his partner with him, to save him as he himself had been saved before. He just refused to believe that there had been no other way!
He picked at the bedcovers, having not moved from the bed all day. A glance over at his clothes closet brought another regret: he shouldn't have been so quick to give away that coat. It contained his precious last memories of his companion and their final hours together. Now it was in someone else's hands, someone who... didn't need those moments the way he did. Yes, another regret to add to the field of them he was growing.
He should have known and recognized these feelings beginning to build in him when his partner had rescued him from the other world. He should have heeded the words he'd been told there: "That person you hold dear... No matter what happens, don't let them go, okay? Please... To protect that person, please don't choose death. To protect that person, no matter what happens, stay alive for them." He should have passed those words on to his beloved partner, his other half. Then, perhaps, he would not be the one left alive, would not be the one burdened with somehow resuming some kind of a life after this. He wasn't sure he knew how to live a solitary life anymore - and he wasn't sure he wanted to!
He'd never expected or wanted someone thrown so deeply into his life, but he certainly didn't want a life without him either! Not since the early days anyway, and those early days were long gone. He needed his partner. He'd come to count on him in so many ways, even just to keep him from becoming too serious or overwhelmed by whatever was going on. Half the time, he needed him just to remember when to get out of bed! No, all there was to it was he needed his companion.
He plucked at the bedcovers some more - and there it was. He picked up the delicate object like it was the most fragile of treasures and held it to his cheek reverently. Maybe all hope wasn't lost after all.
He'd heard it said many times, "You don't know what you've got till it's gone." He knew now it was true. It was entirely too true, and that was why he was sitting along on his bed, solitary in his mind and his heart for the first time in months.
You don't know what you've got till it's gone. That's why Niwa Daisuke was all alone now, clutching a single black feather. Dark...
:: Owari ::
05 July 2004
Oh gods, that hurt. It physically hurt to write this. I love writing the angst, but I think I might have played a little too much this time. I started this at 7 p.m. on July 4th and finished it at about 12:45 a.m. on July 5th. It weighs in at 800 words, not all that long considering, but I'd stretched the angst as far as I cared to. Dark/Daisuke fics shouldn't be angsty; they should be romantic, but I wanted this to be full of unfulfilled love and hope. "Forever together, forever apart" was sort of the theme I was going for.
This is the first of two D. N. Angel fics I've decided to do. This one, obviously, is set after the ending of the anime series. You have no idea how much I despise that ending, no idea whatsoever. Hate. Despise. Loathe... Anyway, the second fic will (hopefully) pick up after episode 24 and rewrite the ending, but I need to go back and rewatch the entire series before I start it (plus I should finish Gods and Other Creatures first), so bear with me if it takes a bit.
And for the record... UGH... I think I got a bit high writing this with a fruit-scented red pen. @.@
So here is my first contribution to the D. N. Angel fandom. Expect more D/D goodness from me!