I'm leaving.

Eternal: Yay!!!
Fluffy-chan: And it's about time too!!
SD Hii-chan: Is this the mean onna again?
Aya: The one I'd really like to kill? Absolutely.
Eternal: Awww... *glomps* You're so sweet when you're all protective.

This will explain. I typed it up a while back.

Chibi Inu-kun: So why are you subjecting us to it now?
Fluffy-chan: She thinks we're all as much of masochists as she is.
SD Hii-chan: What's a macosist?
Sephy: Tell you when you're older.
SD Hii-chan: At this rate, you'll be talking forever.

This goes out to all who have known me, before and after last Friday.

Eternal: Before Godzilla stomped all over your face and...
Sephy: *slaps a hand over Eternal's mouth and points at SD Hii-chan* There is a chibi present.
Cloud-kun: Like that ever stopped Lanie?

Last Friday, I was confronted by someone who told me she could feel that there were demons haunting me; seven demons who had been released from my Harry Potter books.

Everyone: *stops and stares*
Duet-chan: Damn... She's really gone over the deep end this time.
SD Hii-chan: So it is the baka mean onna. *growls and goes to get equally superdeformed gun*
Eternal: *glomps onto Aya* She's starting to really scare me...
SchuSchu-chan: She's about to start scaring me.
Eternal: *glomps onto SchuSchu-chan* Waiiiiii.... *hides under SchuSchu-chan's blazer*
Aya: *glowers*....

I said yes, they had haunted me the night before and they had been so scary.

Chibi Inu-kun: Haunted you? Like the 13 Ghosts of Scooby Doo?
Fluffy-chan: Vincent Price wouldn't dignify himself to haunt her.

They had been like long snake-spirits, swathed in black robes.

SchuSchu-chan: Because, like good little demons, they couldn't wear anything but black.
Sephy: *nods* How unoriginal.

They had been on my floor, making me retreat to my bed, which is at least five feet off the ground.

Cloud-kun: Gives new meaning to the phrase "Crawl into bed."
Sephy: If you want... *leers*
Cloud-kun: *blushes* I just want to know how someone can sleep in a bed that further off the floor that many people are tall.

I know why they came.

Eternal: To revive the Beatles?

To try and stop me from banishing their brethren, who were dwelling inside me.

Eternal: Like I said, to revive the Beatles?
Duet-chan: "Dwelling inside me"? That sounds kinda kinky. Sephy?
Sephy: *gives Cloud-kun another leer* Ne, Cloud-kun, if you want...
Chibi Inu-kun: Not physically possible.
Sephy: Depends on how flexible you are.
SchuSchu-chan: And creative.
Eternal: *whips out yaoi-notes notebook* Give me all the details.

I had been thinking of giving up anime that day, and that's why they came.

Eternal: This "they" that you speak of, do they make you draw on the walls with crayons and kiss snakes?
Cloud-kun: Kiss snakes? *shivers*
Eternal: Don't ask. Some obscure, conservative Christian churches practice this as a testing of faith.
SchuSchu-chan: And we call Farfarello insane.

They knew that if I got rid of my anime, I would have so much more time for God.

Fluffy-chan: If you got rid of your anime, you'd just be an idiot for listening to the voices in your head.
Aya: *nods* It's called schizophrenia. Look it up sometime.

I saw them, and was scared.

Eternal: Grammar police! Grammar police!! Comma splice!
Chibi Inu-kun: All these lovely things to pick on, and you choose a comma splice?
Eternal: I can't help it. I'm an English major.

They were trying to scare me back into my comfort, anime.

Aya: Anime is your comfort, and they have to scare you to it? If it's your comfort, shouldn't you seek it out on your own?
SchuSchu-chan: No one ever said she was logical.

Usually I would watch an anime video (Escaflowne: A Girl In Gaea) to get to sleep, but not that night.

Sephy: That movie alone goes a long way to explaining this girl.
Cloud-kun: It's that bad?
SchuSchu-chan: Tenshi hated it.
Eternal: And I haven't seen it yet.

Instead I got out my Kent Hovind video and put that in to play instead.

Eternal: *full body shiver* Evilness... evilness...
SchuSchu-chan: What's wrong with her?
Aya: Bad experiences with Lanie and others of her type.

I was scared to turn my back, but I did.

Fluffy-chan: Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Chibi Inu-kun: Because it's not demons sneaking up behind you.
Cloud-kun: It's the men in the white jackets.

It was the day after that Joy saw those demons, and helped me rebuke them.

Eternal: Waii!!! Another comma splice!! And bad grammar too!!
Sephy: *bonks Eternal on head lightly* Focus, girl. Focus.
Eternal: *stares at SchuSchu-chan and Aya* Oh, I am...

If you had been there, you would have witnessed a miracle.

Fluffy-chan: You gained a brain?
Chibi Inu-kun: She said a miracle, not an impossibility.
SD Hii-chan: *comes back with SD gun* What's a its... imt... that thing you said?
Chibi Inu-kun: Something that stands no chance of ever happening.
SD Hii-chan: ... Oh...

Everyone was gathered around me, laying hands on me to pray.

Eternal: See? I told you so!! They're gonna kiss snakes next!
Cloud-kun: *full body shiver* Anything but the snakes...
SD Hii-chan: Why would they want to kiss snakes?
Eternal: This alone goes a long way to explain why Lanie is so messed up in the head.
SchuSchu-chan: She has peanut butter for brains?
Aya: Marshmellows.
Duet-chan: Cotton candy.
SD Hii-chan: Yum.

They cried out the name of Jesus, trying to help me banish the demons.

SchuSchu-chan: As opposed to the name of... say... Schuldig?
Aya: *rolls eyes*

Anime had opened the door for them to enter my soul, and to enter the souls of my baby brother and sister.

Eternal: *tries to pull out hair* Again with the comma splices!!! AHHH!!! She's going to drive me crazy!!
SD Hii-chan: She really sounds like a freaking nutcase.
Chibi Inu-kun: She is a freaking nutcase. And to follow her own logic, she "let demons enter" the souls of her siblings. Nice sister.
Fluffy-chan: Guess that means you have no more right to complain about me.

It was that day that I renounced the demons, and anime, for good.

Eternal: So there will be no Beatles reunion?
Fluffy-chan: John is dead, and Paul is ugly. No chance of it.

All my Pokemon cards, Sailor Moon videos, Inu-Yasha manga, and everything else, lay in ashes.

Sephy: *looks aghast* Ashes?
Cloud-kun: Please don't let her mean what I think she means.

I burned them.

Cloud-kun: AHHH!!! She did!! No!!! *hides face on Sephy's shoulder*
Chibi Inu-kun: What did Inuyasha ever do to you?
Fluffy-chan: Never mind the fact that he's half-demon.
Chibi Inu-kun: Never mind that Sesshoumaru is all demon.
Fluffy-chan: And damned proud of it to, hanyou.
Chibi Inu-kun: *growls*
Aya: *draws sword and points it at each of them in turn* Behave. Quit acting like Lanie the baka.

"....And it smelled of burning; but it was the burning of unclean things..."

SD Hii-chan: So you didn't bathe them first or something?

Thanks to me, and partially thanks to Satan

SchuSchu-chan: So Satan has a self-defeatist personality? He wants to destroy his own works? Baaaaaaka....

(I love turning his own works back on him! YEAH!)

Aya: That's because you're weird.

people have come to realize that Satan, and his servants, are quite real.

Eternal: Only to you, Lanie. And the other people you hang out and kiss snakes with.

They had hold of my soul, and wouldn't have let go if God hadn't intervened.

Fluffy-chan: I thought it was your friend who could see the demons?
Sephy: Smile and nod, boy, just smile and nod.
Eternal: *raises a shaky finger* And another comma splice.

I hadn't really known they were there, and Satan was able to place blinders on my eyes and ears.

Eternal: *facefaults* Lanie no baka!! Blinders are only used for eyes. You can't blind someone's ears.

Don't know what blinders are?

Everyone: YES!!
Duet-chan: And they have some really interesting uses...

Let me explain.

Everyone: No.
SD Hii-chan: Please no.

You know in all those movies where you see the happy couple riding off into the sunset in a horse-drawn cart?

Fluffy-chan: I'd rather not think about it.
Chibi Inu-kun: Aniki, this is from the girl who almost had Eternal in tears for insulting Dark Side of the Moon simply because it's yuri.
Eternal: *looks up from Sociology of Religion textbook* Huh? Oh, I have accepted that. I now know that Lanie is at the lower levels of both Kohlber's Stages of Moral Development and Fowler's Stages of Faith Development. In fact, no higher than Stage 2 on either of them.
Aya: If even that?
Eternal: Exactly.
Chibi Inu-kun: *looks at Aya* How do you know about this?
Aya: Because I am not chibi and I can behave in public *shoots Cloud-kun and Sephy a glare*, I get to go with Eternal to classes.
Eternal: *nods* We get to learn about things that Lanie never will because if she think anime is evil, she'd never been able to go to college where she might encounter evidence contradicting her beliefs, such that they are.
Aya: And didn't Dr. Vance just say that people from conservative, constraining churches usually have low levels of education? She'll never make to college.
SD Hii-chan: Eto... Eternal-san...
Eternal: *nods, looks at clock* Whoops. Back to the critique.

See those things going over its eyes?

Eternal: The cart's? The horse's? The couple's? Explain your terms!!!
Duet-chan: You're being such a... a...
Eternal: English major?
Duet-chan: Exactly!

Those are blinders; used to keep the horses from seeing what's happening.

Duet-chan: Actually, it's more along the lines of keeping them from seeing if anything is close to them or if there are other animals in the area, but let's not debate over history.

Essentially because if it saw what was happening, it would spook, and run off.

Eternal: Oh, the comma splices...

Taking the happy couple and cart with it.

Eternal: Oh, the sentence fragments. *buries head in SchuSchu-chan's blazer again*
SchuSchu-chan: *gives Aya a very teasing look*
Aya: *glowers*

That's what Satan does to you when he's got his claws in you, he puts blinders on your eyes and ears, so you can't hear the warnings, can't see what's so wrong.

Eternal: Sentence fragments, run-ons, comma splices... it's like a proof-reader's worse nightmare.
Fluffy-chan: And she says she typed this up a day before she posted it.
Cloud-kun: The least she could have done was check it first.
Sephy: *looks up from necking on Cloud-kun* That would be asking too much.

I know.

Aya: *still growling* Somehow I doubt that.

That's how I was.

Aya: And still are.
SchuSchu-chan: *snickering* In a bit of a bad mood there, Aya-kun?

Trust me, if you don't believe in Satan and Hell, it's because he's put those blinders on you.

Everyone: *facefaults*
Duet-chan: So everyone else in the world is wrong and you're right?
Eternal: I had that discussion with her once. She was unable to grasp the point. She just said over and over, "No, I'm not saying I'm the only one right. I just think that if you don't believe like I do, you're going to hell."
Fluffy-chan: And you being Wiccan had nothing to do with it, of course...
Chibi Inu-kun: Never mind the fact that you were nicer to her than you had any right to be.
Eternal: We can't blame her for only reading the parts of the Bible that agree with what she believes. Like "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone" and "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

Even his own demons hate Hell!

SchuSchu-chan: Prove it.

In the Bible there's the story of a man possessed by many demons, (He was called Legion because he had so many demons) and when they were driven out by Jesus, the demons asked that he please not send them back in to the abyss, so he let them enter a herd of pigs grazing on the side of a hill nearby.

SchuSchu-chan: Must have been a very modern edition of the Bible then.

The pigs all ran down a steep bank into a river and drowned themselves.

Fluffy-chan: Bacon and ham sandwiches anyone?

Hell is real.

Eternal: No, it isn't.

Very real.

Eternal: No, it isn't.

You may think that watching anime, or listening to that secular music is okay with God, surely He wouldn't care.

Eternal: So your God is going to have issues with me listening to Creed or watching... say... Magic Knights Rayearth?

After all, it was only a show, right?

Chibi Inu-kun: Don't tell me you're going to say there are subliminal Satanic messages in CLAMP.
Duet-chan: *does Night of the Living Dead impression* Go forth, my children, and spread the word of CLAMP...

Hah. God cares. A lot.

SD Hii-chan: Sounds like a sales pitch.

Want an example of how much DEMONS love anime?

Everyone: No!

Here ya go.

Cloud-kun: *sigh* She couldn't resist...

A friend of mine was sitting at her desk, working, when her mother came running into the room to tell her what had happened to me.

Fluffy-chan: That your brains were dribbling out your ears?
Duet-chan: What a visual.
Eternal: *makes a face* ewww....

She sat still, and she thought,"So, all anime is evil?"

SchuSchu-chan: Whoever said anime was evil?

And she told me it was like a thousand voices in her head responded,"No!"

Aya: And she should have listened.
Sephy: But that would have been asking too much, ne?

She knew it wasn't God talking.

Aya: No. It was her sanity.

She replied,"Yeees!" The voices cried,"Noooooo!!"

Aya: She's talking back to the voices in her head.
SchuSchu-chan: The power of suggestive reasoning.
Duet-chan: Sounds like she's trying very hard to get it on with the voices and the voices don't want to get it on.
Chibi Inu-kun: Only you would think of that.
Duet-chan: That's why I'm the ecchi muse.

She knew what was there.

Fluffy-chan: Scrambled eggs?
Chibi Inu-kun: Poached.
Sephy: Fried.
Cloud-kun: Boiled.
Duet-chan: Salad.
SD Hii-chan: Cake.

"Yes in the name of Jesus I rebuke you!"

Fluffy-chan: Eternal, don't you dare say a word about the Beatles.
Eternal: Gomen, demo, I've been hanging around Tink all week.

She said she could hear the voices screaming and shrieking as they faded from her mind.

Aya: No. I repeat, that was her sanity leaving.

Both she and I were anime fans.

Sephy: Somehow I doubt that.
Cloud-kun: *nods* If you were a fan, you'd know that this whole lot you're saying is a big pile of bull- *looks at SD Hii-chan* -crap..

I was deeper into it than she was, she was only a Dragon Ball Z fan.

Eternal: *appears in Grammar Police uniform* You are under arrest for overuse of the comma splice. You have the right to a spell check. You have the right to a theasarus. You do not have the right to a second post. Do you understand your rights?

I was a fan of many anime.

Chibi Inu-kun: Somehow I kinda doubt that, seeing as how you're an easily influenced baka.

Was. Past tense.

Eternal: *searching for handcuffs* Really? I never would have guessed.
SchuSchu-chan: *hands over handcuffs* Here you go.

Mind you, the temptation is strong for me to go back.

Sephy: Oh, the temptation is great...
Cloud-kun: *gives Sephy a Look* And you'd know all about temptation, ne?
Sephy: ^_~
Fluffy-chan: Will you two quit flirting long enough to finish this?

Horribly strong.

Sephy: She's all but giving us permission!!!

But it says in the Bible, that if a demon is rebuked, and that person doesn't fill the place the demon once inhabited with Godly things, the demon will find seven spirits even more wicked than itself, and they will all go back to possess that person once again.

SchuSchu-chan: She sounds crazier than Farfarello.

It takes all I've got, and lots of support, to keep from going back to the broad path of evil that I had been trekking down.

Chibi Inu-kun: Drugs in churches?
Duet-chan: Why not? They're everywhere else.
Aya: I'm going to need drugs after this.

I tell you now, what price I pay now is worth it.

SchuSchu-chan: Hand over those drugs, Aya.
Chibi Inu-kun: No way. I'm next in line.
Fluffy-chan: Dream on, otooto.

Because no anime, no Pokemon card, no nothing, is worth my soul.

Eternal: Now I can believe Pok?on might be after your soul, but anime?
SD Hii-chan: She's such a scary weird girl. *hides under Eternal's shirt*
Eternal: *gets the angry face* Hello. My name is Eternal SailorM. You scared my Hii-chan. Prepare to die.
Sephy: *facefaults*
Aya: No more The Princess Bride for you, Eternal.
Eternal: But she scared SD Hii-chan...!!!
SchuSchu-chan: And she's going to pay for it later.
Aya: *glowers then gives Eternal a smirk* You can "to the pain" her after we finish the critique.
Eternal: YAY!!!! *glomps*
SchuSchu-chan: *glares*

I have given it to my Lord Jesus to keep and protect, forever.

Eternal: The anime?
Fluffy-chan: I think she meant her soul, Eternal.
Cloud-kun: I see what you mean about defining terms now, Eternal.

Those who want to see exactly how hard it is to be Christian, and how horrible it will be after the Rapture, watch the movie Judgment.

Eternal: One person's film interpretation is supposed to change my mind? No, thank you!
SchuSchu-chan: Is this where the Farf gets all the "hurting God" ideas?
Aya: If she keeps on going, I might.
Duet-chan: If she keeps on going, I'm just going to hurt her!

Being Christian is one of the toughest things on this earth to do, but Jesus is worth so much more!

Eternal: Try being a Wiccan in the Bible Belt.
Chibi Inu-kun: And I thought she was going to turn that into a redhead comment.
SchuSchu-chan: Why should she, when she has the hottest redhead in the world right here?
Aya: That's right. I've been here a while.
SchuSchu-chan: I meant me.
Aya: I'm the one she grabbed up before she even saw the show.
SchuSchu-chan: And she's currently negociating with Tenshi to clone or steal me.
SD Hii-chan: *peeks out of Eternal's shirt* What are they fighting about now?
Fluffy-chan: Who is the hotter redhead.

Read the book by DC Talk, about all those killed for their faith.

Eternal: *hops up on soap box* So Christians are all good and perfect because for 300 years they were persecuted for their faith? What about the 1700 years since then where they have been practicing conversion by the sword, torture, the Inquisition, mass genocide, and even killing members of their own faith because they didn't agree?!?
Aya: *pulls Eternal off soapbox* Don't get too worked up.
Sephy: *nods* That's right. She doesn't deserve it.
Cloud-kun: And you still have to go to school today.

Watch Tribulation, read Mind Seige.

Fluffy-chan: Hmm... No, and... no.
Chibi Inu-kun: Gods, she's pushy.

You'll see exactly how hard it is to live as God wants us to, but for me, the reward will always outweigh the losses I suffer here.

Duet-chan: Somehow I don't think that this is what your God had in mind.
Fluffy-chan: Must be the Old Testament God.
Chibi Inu-kun: Because isn't the New Testament God supposed to be loving and forgiving?
Everyone: *looks at Eternal*
Eternal: Geez... I get dragged to some bakana church for a few years (try 14), and you treat me like an expert. Yes, the New Testament God is supposed to be loving and forgiving, while the Old Testament God is wrathful and merciless.
SD Hii-chan: So what's left here?
Sephy: Just some quotes.
Eternal: Then I'm going to talk about the quotes all at once.

And everyone who has given up houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or
children or property, for my sake, will receive a hundred times as much in return and
will have eternal life.
Matthew 19: 29

According to some people, there are many so-called gods and many lords,
both in heaven and on earth. But we know there is only one God,
the Father, who created everything, and we exist for him.
And there is only one Lord, Jesus Christ,
through whom God made everything and through whom we have been given life.
1 Corinthians 8: 5-6

If you think you are standing strong, be careful, for you, too,
may fall into the same sin.
But remember that the temptations that come into your life are no different
than what others experience. And God is faithful.
He will keep the temptation from becoming so strong you can't stand up against it.
When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you will not give into it.
1 Corinthians 10: 12-13

Don't be afriad of those who want to kill you.
They can only kill your body; they cannot touch your soul.
Fear only God, who can destroy both soul and body in hell.
Not even a sparrow, worth only half a penny, can fall to the ground without
your Father knowing it. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered.
So don't be afriad; you are more valuable to him than a whole flock of sparrows.
If anyone acknowledges me publicly here on earth,
I will openly acknowledge that person before my Father in Heaven.
But if anyone denies me here on earth,
I will deny that person before my Father in Heaven.
Matthew 10: 28-33

Eternal: Okay, these quotes are all prime examples of religion geered towards people of a lower socio-economic status. The emphasis is on giving up total control to a higher power, who will rule your life for you.
Aya: Because people with low incomes have little control over their lives in work, they subconsciously seek to mirror that in other aspects of their life, especially religion.
Eternal: And she's already displayed to me that she finds the entire social system to be in need of salvation. *snickers* Especially me.
Aya: Plus she has told us all about the high levels of emotionalism in her worship...
Eternal: *mutters* Kissing snakes.
Aya: So she fits the model of religion for the poor perfectly.
Eternal: I wonder if I can turn this into Dr. Vance instead of taking my test.
SchuSchu-chan: I wouldn't try it if I were you.
Duet-chan: Hey, that's the whole post!
SD Hii-chan: Yay!! We're done!!
Fluffy-chan: About time too!
Chibi Inu-kun: Does this mean we're free to go?
Eternal: Sure. Go ahead.
Sephy: Go ahead and do whatever we want?
Eternal: Sure. Why not? *stops* What are you planning on doing?
Sephy: *smirks and starts dragging off Cloud-kun* Me? Oh, not much. Just going to get a room. A private room.
Cloud-kun: *waves* Bai-bai, minna!!
Duet-chan: See you later, Cloud-kun!
Eternal: I want video please!!
Sephy: *nods and pulls Cloud-kun off-critique*
*Random bits of Cloud-kun's and Sephy's clothes fly back on-critique*
Fluffy-chan: And we know what they're up to.
Chibi Inu-kun: Like it's any surprise?
Duet-chan: Well, I'm out of here too. I hear Hii-tenshi-chan isn't on guard against me today. Bai! *flys off*
Eternal: *drools at the thought of Shugotenshi Hiiro*
Aya: *glares at winged muse who is not present* Don't we need to be getting ready for class, Eternal?
Eternal: *looks at clock* Oh shit!!
SD Hii-chan: You said a bad word!!! *pulls out SD gun*
SchuSchu-chan: *takes SD Hii-chan's gun away* Now is not the time, chibi. Hey, Eternal? Can I come with you today also?
Eternal: *running around like a madwoman* Sure! Sure! Why not? *throwing on school clothes* Gotta go! Gotta go!! Gonna be late! *stops briefly before audience* It's been nice talking to you, minna-chan. Bai-bai!

The critique goes dark.

::Owari::

24 October 2001

The characters:

Eternal: Eternal would be the crossover fanfiction author Eternal SailorM (Angel-chan), Shindou Shuichi no Koujo (don't tell Hii-tenshi-chan), and Goddess -- err, Webmistress -- of DarkMagick.net. She's pretty much obsessed with Fujimiya Aya/Ran and Schuldig from Wei? kreuz, The Princess Bride, Gravitation, Yami no Matsuei, and too many other things.

Duet-chan: Eternal's first muse, who joined her halfway through Welcome to the Future. Wielder of the almight Mallet-sama, and also an ecchi muse. She's also Eternal's only muse to be captured in 2D.

Fluffy-chan: Eternal's violence muse. err... perhaps the most underworked of all my muses. Picture a super-deformed Sesshoumaru(-sama) and you have Fluffy-chan.

Chibi Inu-kun: Eternal's romance muse. He's the one who's always being overworked too, according to him. As for appearances, picture a super-deformed Inuyasha, and you have him.

SD Hii-chan: Err... yeah... That is a super-deformed Hiiro Yuy you're looking at. He's Eternal's humour and kawaii-ness muse (because she can't keep stealing Neko Omi from Usa-chan).

Sephy: Eternal's muse of angst and yaoi/shounen no ai, and half of her yaoi muse couple. He's also really good with conversations and shoujo no ai. (Now if Eternal could just get him to help me out with lemons and the like...) And yes, Sephy is short for Sephiroth-sama.

Cloud-kun: The other half of Eternal's yaoi muse couple, (They're just too cute!) and her muse for originals. Very easily embarrassed by anything vaguely female, so no glompings - unless you're willing to clean up the nosebleeds!

Aya-sama: Currently Eternal's most overworked muse because she drags him into every fic, even just as random eye candy. Along with Sephy and Cloud-kun, he's one of her rare non-chibi muses - and he is the most often glomped. His actual purpose: distraction. *ducks katana* Okay, seriously, he's her back-up angst and romance muse.

SchuSchu-chan: On a temporary loan from Chibi Tenshi-chan (or at least until Eternal can clone him), SchuSchu-chan is Eternal's nickname for Tenshi's number one ecchi muse, Schul-kun.

So that's that. Hope everyone had fun. We did. An explanation of the title. Karl Marx's famous quote: "Religion is the opiate for the masses." After I read this the first time, I decided it was opium Lanie needed, not an opiate.

Bai-bai!